I will not waste any of your time dwelling on the pain that you are feeling. I know it so well and I see it many a woman's eyes everyday. I can see the fear gripping you. The thought that the love of your life is moving out and moving on and most unfortunately into the arms of another woman is mind numbing. The thought of a break up, rejection and divorce is unbearable and unthinkable. But, it happens to every one, queens and paupers alike. It is not about you, it is about nature. We leave in a jungle, the unthinkable happens.
The man of your dreams moves out on you, without caring how much you had invested in him emotionally. He does not care in the least as to what happens to you. What he would love most is to see you dying, lonely and without a new lover on your side. I want you to know one thing it is not at all about you. It is not about the man who is walking out on you. It is in human nature. Men and all human beings are born with animal tendencies. The more they break a person's heart, the more they feel at home. Sadly that is the way it is. Knowing how to avoid this happening to you is the only way you will stop it before the inevitable.
The very first thing you have to avoid is showing your man or your ex that you are dying to stay with him. Common sense would suggest that you should show your man that you love him to pieces. This does not draw him closer to you, it does the complete opposite. You should always show your man that you can exist without him. This is reverse psychology as I may call it and it works wonders. It keeps your man in check, knowing that you can easily move on without him with total ease.
The more you show desperation the more you push your man to move on. That is a fact. I beg you from the bottom of my heart that do not at all try to beg your man. Do not ask him to come back to you. It is not going to happen, if you make this cardinal mistake you have killed the chance of him coming back to you. The moment your man shows any signs of moving on simply ignore him. Yes, ignore him and go on with your life as though nothing is happening. This makes your man have second thoughts. Try as much as possible to keep away from him and avoid him at all costs. Do not come back from your errands early. Do not call him. Do not do anything that shows that you are still in love. Get friends to hang around with. Do not show any signs of pain. Sleep out if need be. He will spy on you and have second thoughts of moving on.
Check this on:
It seems when it comes to the ‘why’ of bad dating decisions everyone has more than their two-cents to share around. Of course, this includes myself.
Honestly though, do you ever just sit there, often with head in hands or tear on pillow and wonder why you aren’t enough or how anyone could ever do this to you? I know I have, so like any great gen y – I turned to Google for the answers.
Again as a Gen-Y, I don’t want to read hugely self-reflective pieces on root causes of self-perception and self-worth based in childhood. I want a solution and I want it now. Plus, i’ve always been on the opinion that over thinking often leads to insanity rather than answers.
So, in my travels I found an article ‘Why do intelligent, successful women make bad choices in men?’. Now, the other point that I should make about myself is that i’m not a huge believer in self-help material. I can’t tell you exactly why, i’ve just developed an attitude towards them which has persisted up until now. Having said that, throughout all my cynicism, I liked the points made in this article, especially because it doesn’t focus on the ‘daddy didn’t love you’ and places an emphasis specifically on the traits of successful women.
If you can’t be bothered reading the article, it basically highlights 6 errors women make, all of which resonated with me. Luckily for you, I am going to summarize these points for you which are short, accessible and to the point.
Nativity
Successful women are independent and therefore, we don’t ‘need’ a man who is stable and reliable because we already have those qualities in ourselves. For us, the article states that it’s ‘all about love’ and the ‘potential for love’ because we can provide for ourselves.
My two cents? (you knew this was coming) From my perspective, I always find myself rushing around and busy – therefore I don’t often have the time to stop and evaluate my relationships. I already stated in a previous post that my relationships tend to happen to me, not with me. When I do find someone I adore, I do tend to fall quite quickly because I don’t question my feelings, I just fit them into my divided time. I often don’t stop to consider and conduct a ‘health check’ on how I feel the relationship is going, or stop to work out how I personally about the other person. I just blindly follow my initial gut reaction.
Supply and Demand
”Lack of men who are interested in her. Truth be told a lot of men simply do not want to deal with a woman that does not need them. Nor do they want to deal with a woman who is more than likely going to put pressure upon them to become a better man.” – This is a direct quote from the article. Couldn’t put it better myself.
I do often think about this, but honestly, who I am as a person – or at least the traits I value – are not up for negotiation or change and therefore, my perspective on this point is that you are the one who has to spend 24/7 with you, not the potential Mr Right – therefore it’s probably better that you keep being the amazing person you love or you will drive yourself crazy.
Picky
“She is usually picky when it comes to the physical attributes of her mate. She wants a man that she is highly attracted to. Sure the lesser attractive men are interested in her but she desires to not only be adored and lusted but to also adore and lust her mate.” – This is also a direct quote, this captures the way I feel verbatim.
A friend of mine made a really excellent point on this. Every time we date someone or experience something and we fail at it, we refine what we are after – culling all things that are similar from our potential field of vision. For example, I believe I met a group of ‘blokes’ out at a party one night, decided anyone who fit that bill was not for me, and now only date preppy assholes because my first relationship made me feel so positive – initially. I guess the point is to be conscious of why we avoid particular people/groups and take educated risks on who could potentially make us happy.
Assertion
The article details that most successful women are ‘alpha females’ and tend to be a little on the aggressive side, or I prefer the other way they’ve phrased it “don’t have the passive traits most men seek”. Alpha females like more dominant and assertive males to counter our controlling and dominant personalities (so true!). Unfortunately, we then be come a play thing for all things ‘jerk’. This article captures my previous relationships “He will make a game of it and attempt to conquer her… make her passive and then afterwards move on”.
Wow, I didn’t realize whoever wrote this met my ex’s personally. This one is tricky. Honestly, I have not found a way to successful deal with this. I am open to suggestions though? Again, for me it ties into the key things you love about yourself and just waiting for someone who is equally as confident in their own abilities.
Confidence
“She is usually highly confident and believes that she can change a man and things will get better. In her eyes, why wouldn’t a man want to be with her? She will voice her dislike of the situation but she continues to attempt to “fix” it, hoping he will come around and change. You see, she is a winner, she can accomplish anything. She will not give up too easily.”
While I don’t necessarily agree with this, or at least I don’t identify with this, confidence is something I need to work on in my relationships, I left this in for interest but for me this is a segway into the last point…
Unselfishness
“She likes going nice places and doing things, so she doesn’t mind paying for them. She does not want a man to feel pressured or stressed by attempting to pay for these outings, so she gladly pays for the majority of them. She actually feels bad if a man is spending his last or attempting to do things out of his budget for her.” – This is again a direct quote but doesn’t actually align with my definition of unselfishness.
For me this really ties into this ‘happens to me, rather than with me’ philosophy. I feel like I control so much of what goes on in my life that by the time a situation comes around for me to make a decision on ‘where we go’ and ‘what we do’ I am more than happy – even relieved - for someone else to take charge. Most of the time, I don’t really know what I need or want. I have always been of the opinion that if I have no strong feelings either way – the other person should get what they want.
So, this is a little longer than my other posts but I really enjoyed writing it. I leave you with the key points the article finishes on – I really liked them;
“She may not truly know what a “real man” is or how it feels to be treated like a lady. Men have not treated her as such. She has not been truly feminized. Dealing with all that she is prone to pick a mate off of good looks, emotions and potential. Potential isn’t a guarantee, good looks are just that, emotions can stray you wrong…. She may do this several times in her life until she meets one that is so horrible that he causes her emotional strain and financial hardship. Not until then will she step back and assess her dating decisions.”
Ohhhh the bad dating decisions…. ”I’m ready…. i’m ready!!!!”
All this advice is easier said than done. I know that what I am telling you is logical whereas love relations are born out of emotions. That is true but doing the opposite of what I am telling you will only quicken the process of break ups and divorces. What I will assure you, a man is not wired to fill your pain. No! The more they make you feel the pain the more manly they feel.
What else do you need to do?
Get a powerful traditional healer or psychic on your side and force matters. Yes as you pretend not to care, force matters behind the scenes through the work of your traditional healer. You will be surprised to see tables being turned, when the man who was aloof starts hunting you down. You will be surprised when the man starts begging you to come back into your life. You will be surprised when this man apologises. You will be surprised when this man becomes more jealousy than what you have ever seen before. Remember, force matters by getting a powerful traditional healer or psychic on your side.
Use reverse psychology to avoid break ups, rejections and divorce. Never show total love to your man. When you do that you are simply attracting pain. Show that you can go on with your life without him but behind the scenes work with a powerful traditional healer to fix things for you.
Many people who have sought out help get it. Your search has come to an end if you truly need a change in your love life. Do you want to stop your lover moving on? Are you sure? Click here for more information on how we can help: http://www.mensherbalclinic.wozaonline.co.za
Money to the Grave
ReplyDeleteOnce there was a man who worked his entire life and saved all of his money. He was a real scrooge when it came to his assets. He loved money more than just about anything, so much so that just before he died, he ordered his wife, “Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife.”
He wouldn’t relent until his wife promised to him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.
Well, one day he died. He was laid out in the casket in his finest clothing, and the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said “Wait just a minute!”
She had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away. Her friend said, “I hope you weren’t crazy enough to put all that money in the casket like he was ranting about.”
“Yes,” the wife said, “I promised. I’m a good Christian, I can’t lie. I promised him that I was going to put all his money in that casket with him.”
“You mean to tell me you put every penny of his money in the casket with him!?”
“I sure did. I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check.”